“For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.”
Romans 7:14-25
When we hear phrases like “The conflict within” or “Personal Wars,” we immediately think of ourselves and the struggles we have within our hearts and minds.
We think of our doubts, worries, sins, and frustrations. And we recognize within ourselves how dwelling on these burdens dramatically impacts our mood, day, reactions, temperament, and overall interactions with others.
I have found this to be true: it’s easy for me to consider myself and my attitudes and actions and justify them, and then unjustly, I declare judgment and claim others guilty when they do the same things. I justify these things because of my “inner conflict” and fail to consider the inner conflict within others.
I’ve entitled this post “The Unseen War” to help us better consider the people around us struggling with inner conflict.
Nearly everyone struggles with inner conflict, waging an “Unseen War.”
This war is robbing us of valuable resources: sleep, joy, peace, and happiness.
This war also causes us to make dangerous alliances, such as drugs, alcohol, and other toxic distractions.
All to win the inner conflict.
And just like in any war, it’s messy, ugly, and dangerous.
Lines are crossed haphazardly and unintentionally.
Innocent victims find themselves in the crossfire or explosive behaviors resulting from this war.
We all have been guilty of inflicting harm through our inner conflicts, and we all carry scars from injuries inflicted upon us by those waging their unseen war.
The Apostle Paul glimpses into his inner war in the abovementioned passage.
Despite his best efforts, Paul kept finding himself doing things, saying things, and feeling things that he knew were sinful.
Paul hated these behaviors within himself and labored much to crucify the nature that fueled them.
The Apostles even state that on the days and in the areas where he was successful, the evil conflict raged within, and that fallout shadow presence from his inner war was ever-present.
I do not write today to aid us, particularly in this war, but to help others through tough times and rough days. To take note and, instead of reacting to behaviors, tones, and statements that only fuel conflict and frustration, identify the moments when the inner war is breaking out.
Indicators someone’s unseen war is breaking out:
1.) Out of Character Behavior:
When someone who typically is one-way, let's stay calm and steady begins to be explosive and sorted, there is a greater chance that an inner war is waging, and it's breaking out.
Varying temperaments and outbursts are often signs that someone is at their max payload with what they are dealing with, and the blow-up we are in the midst of probably isn't related; the person exploding couldn't control their emotional state any longer in the face of more thing, regardless of how minor.
It is typically our response to address the details before us, but pausing, making a statement such as, “You are not yourself today,” and giving space for them to regroup is ideal when we find ourselves in conflict.
Once things are calm again and privacy can be utilized, let’s go to that person with genuine concern and determination to present ourselves and listen to their unseen war report. It’s good to lead with something like, “I am not here to offer solutions, just to support you and listen; what’s going on inside?”
2.) Shutting Down:
While some explode, others implode!
Watch for those who go silent: no comments, complaints, nothing.
Often time the inner struggle can cripple someone, robbing them of any hope or any confidence. Silence can sometimes be one person surrendering to their helpless state; for others, it’s the silence of destruction. Slowly tearing themselves apart within.
People who shut down will not open up quickly, especially if it has been this way for some time. But when they do, it will be an upheaval of raw emotion, a whirlwind of pieces and feelings that will send you flying off your feet. But this is the only way to begin helping them.
When someone is silent, you don’t initially ask them to break their silence. You sit down with them, and you become silent.
Job’s account is known far and wide, and when his friends came to him, no one spoke for seven days. They sat silently in the ash heap with Job, and it was Job who broke the silence with the heart-wrenching lament of Job chapter three.
Let them break the silence, and make sure you are ready for the tsunami that will follow once they do.
Note: Do not force people to be how you think they should be or feel how you believe they should. If we can’t let them be themselves, then we need to allow another minister to minister in our stead.
3.) Decline in morality:
Something is up when someone you have known to be sober isn’t.
When the responsible, on-time gal is late or forgets, and things fall through the cracks, something is happening within that person. Their unseen war has pressured them into the company of others less than honorable, or they now find themselves associating with people or substances that are totally sidetracking their lives.
The danger here is that we often distance ourselves from this behavior, leaving the people deserted to fight a war they are already losing. Don’t back away; charge headlong into their life and see what is what! It's better to risk friendship over life!
This conversation has to be heartfelt, genuine, and straightforward. Be prepared to be laughed off initially, fed a few lines about this and that, and then kept at arm's length.
Make your position clear, “I am not leaving your side till this is sorted out.”
Let them know that you understand they are battling within and that war has broken out, causing havoc for their future.
Conclusion:
We often react reactionarily to what is happening at the moment, but often, what is happening at the moment only happens because of the unseen war within.
Let’s stop reacting and take proper action to help the people we love, work with, serve with, and do life with, overcome the battles and get to a place of peace.
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